So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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