No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
