I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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