bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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