i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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