you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
