I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
