dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
