I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
