remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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