I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
