You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
