You made me cry and you don't even care
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
