Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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