btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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