I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
