I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize