and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
