I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
