So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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