he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will be naked everywhere
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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