Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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