whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
