So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
