The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
