Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You can't just leave with hair like that
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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