I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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