kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
