heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
