I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is the high leading the old right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
