so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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