I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Im part way to drunk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
