Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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