I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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