If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
