I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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