I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize