I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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