You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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