She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
