R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
as a side note pls kill me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
