just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
