My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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