thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
