jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
