Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ladies don't puke and tell
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
