Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
