So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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