either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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