fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
