Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
