Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
