i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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