when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
