I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
