so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
