I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
