does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
