i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
