I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize