all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
