I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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