So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
